


Starwatch

by DaveTheLuxon



Category: Overwatch (Video Game), Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Anal, Gay, Hurt/Comfort, I'm sorry okay, M/M, Not Serious, Object Penetration, Verbal Abuse, anger issues, fetishization of foods, food as descriptors, garbage, i hate myself more with every sentence, i'm in too deep, i'm so sorry to anyone who reads this, literally awful, really it's not, this is awful and i have regets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-09-28 04:20:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10071242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaveTheLuxon/pseuds/DaveTheLuxon
Summary: What happens when Overwatch and Star Wars crossover? What happens when Genji is a sex-craved cyborg? What happens when someone goes out of their way to write something intentionally bad to make their friend suffer?Find out the answers to all those and more if you hate yourself enough.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [The worst person I know. You know who you are girl](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=The+worst+person+I+know.+You+know+who+you+are+girl).



> Holly, 
> 
> I had to outdo last year. 
> 
> I'm sorry.
> 
> The worst,  
> Lyler

Our magical story begins exactly three months and seven days after the destruction of Starkiller Base. It has been a painful and harrowing three months and seven days. Kylo Ren is still recovering and General Hux has been assigned as his personal caretaker, supposedly much the chagrin of them both. The two of them have been aboard the Finalizer since Starkiller and have been growing quite close, though neither would ever admit it. Due to constantly having to babysit a man who has been compared to onions too many times to count, Hux has been relieved of his command and replaced by an up and coming captain. Who is this captain, you ask? The one and only Gloomnhall Gleckson. Ruling with an iron fist and a dick made out of an even harder material, the crew is running more efficiently than ever. 

Countless repairs are still being conducted throughout the ship due to daily temper tantrums by an unhugged, unloved, unwanted, pouty man who just so happens to be shredded. He has an eightpack according to some of the crew. Kylo does nothing to dissuade these rumors as he believes it makes them fear him. 

In all honesty, however, all it does is serve as spankbank material for them during off hours. They imagine him, covered in nothing but chocolate syrup, holding them against a wall by their throats. He’d use the force to slowly take off their pants. They’d feel their soft, delicate cheeks slowly parting. By this time their free time was usually over and they were back on duty, too busy to think of the moistening things Kylo could do to them. 

\---

Three months and eight days after the events at Starkiller base. The day begins as usual. Kylo storms onto the bridge and screams for no good reason. 

“Why aren’t we going after the resistance exactly?” Kylo bitched. 

“For the ninety-eighth time, Ren, you need time to heal. You’re so much of a bitch it’s taken you over three months to heal from a few minor wounds.” Gloomnhall replied. That last sentence he didn’t actually say, despite how much he wanted to.

“All we’re doing is giving them time to organize against us. We already lost our super badass weapon and what are we doing to fix that? We’re sitting around with a fuckin’ ginger at the helm yet again and this one is even more incompetent than the last one. At least the last one looked amazing in a uniform, even better out of it, and had cheekbones to die for.”

Gloomnhall sighed uncomfortably. Kylo continued ranting about Hux, mixing praise and disdain equally the entire time. As he was ranting he began looking at Captain Gleckson closely for the first time. He wasn’t too different from Hux aside from being shorter, less attractive, having non-regulation facial hair that no one seems to call him on, green eyes, longer hair, not looking nearly as good in a uniform, and being generally annoying to be around. 

\---

Kylo eventually anger-paced his way back to his quarters. When he opens the door he’s greeted by Hux, who for the past two months has been inexplicably staying in Kylo’s room rather than his own. He claims it’s because Kylo has better shampoo. 

This, of course, is a lie. Hux has been staying with Kylo because he has feelings for him. He’s not confused or tormented by it, quite the opposite actually. He enjoys his little crush on the apprentice of Snoke. He gets off on the thrill of knowing that if anyone found out, especially Kylo, he’d risk severe consequences. Generals are strictly forbidden from love. It distracts them. But Hux couldn’t help it. He knew about the rumors among the crew about Kylo’s abs, but he knew the truth. He knew all about Kylo’s abs as he’s had to give him numerous sponge bathes. Kylo Ren is shredded. Hux often dreams about washing his uniform on those abs. 

Before Kylo arrived Hux had been in the middle of a particularly dirty daydream. Dirty enough that Kylo finally picked up on it. Kylo, being incredibly impulsive, decides to take it to the next level. He decides to escalate it to a point that they can never come back from. 

“Hux, my dear general,” Kylo began, “you’ve been here for me. You’ve seen me at my worst and haven’t left my side. You’ve cared for me when I’ve been too weak to do it myself. You’re like a potato, Hux. You’re one of the most versatile people I know. A ruthless tactician, terrifying commanding officer, a kind caregiver, and I wonder…” Kylo trailed off.

Hux was startled by the food analogy. He always thought of Kylo as an onion. He has so many layers, he can make one cry, his smell is amazing to some and repulsive to others. “What? What is it you wonder, Ren? You’re being.. Odd.” 

“It’s just… My big thigh. It hurts from all the angry pacing I’ve been doing today. Do you think you could.. take a look at it?”

“Well gee, I’m no doctor but I guess I’ll try my hardest.”

“Thank you Hux. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Seconds feel like hours as Hux struggles to peel the skintight leather pants off of Kylo’s thick, muscular thighs. Hux stares in awe at the soft, pale flesh he’s revealed. He tries to keep his composure, a task made nearly impossible by the overwhelming smell of vanilla coming from Kylo. How had he never noticed this before? The smell was intoxicating. Hux was struggling to keep his head away from certain spots. Kylo was in pain, after all. As Hux finished pulling Kylo’s pants down, once again to inspect his big thigh and nothing else. Absolutely nothing else. He had pure intentions. Had. Kylo reached down and grasped Hux’s hair. 

“And what do you think you’re doing, Ren?” Hux snapped.  
“My crotch, Hux. It’s sore. I need you to do something for me. I need you to make it more sore.” Kylo whispered.

“More sore? Well.. it’s your crotch I suppose.”

Hux proceeded to remove his own pants. This was a much easier task than Kylo’s as they were a soft Space Cotton blend made specially for his delicate skin. Kylo disappeared into his bedroom, leaving Hux to get ready. Hux then bent himself over the Space Can, the fancy name given to Kylo’s garbage bin, and waited in ancti... 

 

...pation. Kylo emerged from his room, his muscular cock slicked in something slimier than a Hutt. He gently penetrated Hux’s supple posterior, exclaiming “Oh eff!”

“Ef yeah!” shouted Hux, who was now being rocked back and forth by the master of the Knights of Ren. 

Plenty more happens in this steamy encounter. Kylo even pulls his saber out of his pants. no innuendo there, his magnum dong is already in Hux. But for your sake, dear reader, I won’t go on. Even though eventually Hux puts out a cigarette on Kylo’s tongue. 

\---

Three months and nine days after the events at Starkiller Base, back on the bridge, Gloomnhall receives a cryptic message from command. A chronal disturbance had been detected near Flerth 69. He orders the crew to head there immediately and to alert the ship. Kylo happens to be prancing his way to the bridge and is far less angry than usual. The crew is unsettled by this. By the time he gets to the bridge he has heard the alert and his mood has returned to the usual rage-filled, father killing, got the shit kicked out of him in the snow, state of mind.

“Why the fuck are we going to Flerth 69 you fuckin gingerass fuckin cheap Hux knockoff fuckin non-regulation facial hair havin fuckin--” Kylo began. This went on for some time. Constantly until they got to the planet, in fact. “--fuckin uptight prick. Anyways why are we here?”

“Orders from command. And I didn’t know you thought so highly of me, Ren. Thank you.” Gloomnhall said with a wink that can be taken in many ways but he only intended for it to be taken in a way that will build sexual tension and make it awkward for everyone.

Scans of the planet came back mostly normal. The only exception was a giant wormhole that seemed to be echoing nerf this repeatedly. No one was sure what to make of it or what caused it. They had no way of destroying it. So they waited. They observed. They waited to see what happened.


End file.
